I love Ukraine.It’s my home country, a place where I was born and where I was destined to be, where I want to be. I want to stay here.I stand by my own words. Even after Russia invaded my home, I chose to stay and prepare for the worst while suffering from depression, anxiety and constant fear of cruise missiles hitting my apartment.I see my country changing really fast, adopting new laws and initiatives and, despite the war, prospering.Society is changing too. Most Ukrainians are now volunteering, helping the army as best as they can and getting their voices heard in the future of Ukraine. Our society is so united now that Ukrainians gathered $20 million to buy three Bayraktar TB2 drones in a matter of days. This really goes to show how unified Ukraine is now.Ukrainians are ready to take part in leading the path to democracy. The Ukrainian government actually listens to the people’s demands and petitions. Even more, citizens of Ukraine are finally experiencing the true value of democracy: Making an impactful change that will affect Ukraine in the future.Ukrainians are ready to tackle controversial topics as well. Gun laws became a priority in modern political discussions, especially after the Russian invasion. The strongest argument was that if most Ukrainians owned a gun, the invasions wouldn’t happen at all or be stopped with defensive and active patriots.We the people are changing. And with us changing, the world around us changes too.But some Ukrainians are staying the same. This is what scares me the most.
Our country united under the most important tasks: help each other, support the army and make Russians leave our land.
As a Teenager, I Joined a Gang for Safety
When I was 16, my friend asked me to film his fight with a guy under the overpass where no one could see us. Though I hesitated, I agreed. In a blink of an eye, we were surrounded by a larger group of dangerous men, demanding a monthly payment to stay safe from their punishment.They left us, but my friend dealt with it his own way. This was the moment I discovered that he was a youth gang member, and so was that guy who threatened us. If I wanted to stay safe and never be harassed by the other gang, I should join him, he told me.I was cornered. I couldn’t walk around my district without the constant fear of being harassed and beaten up. Plus, I was stressed out with this situation. I didn’t want to pay or get my family involved in this, so I agreed.Right from this moment, I was involved in gang wars.Youth gang wars aren’t the same in Ukraine as in other countries. No drug dealing, for example, although I have heard rumors of leaders of said groups being drug dealers. Gang wars are about the territory and the influence over it.It’s a terrible thing for a young man from a poor family to have to resolve to forcefully join the group to stay safe. I still felt disoriented and in danger even after joining the group, but they somewhat gave me a sense of belonging. It’s a primal instinct for a man to be in a group of like-minded people, but it’s a group full of toxic masculinity, false ideals and aggression.A driving factor for joining was the fact that I’m also a bisexual. I had times when I could go out with boys and have a great time but also receive strange looks, or people would quietly discuss my strange behavior. I wanted to be able to defend myself, but being alone wasn’t going to cut it. I needed a group that I could trust myself to. And I chose the wrong people for it. I had to lie, pretend I was not who I really was and play the role of the “bad guy.” I didn’t like it, but I thought this was the only way to be secure.Living in a homophobic family was one of the factors too. When I confessed to my mum, she felt shocked and strictly told me to not share this with anybody else, especially my father and grandpa, who do not tolerate same-sex relationships. It was the feeling of constant danger surrounding me. I didn’t feel safe anywhere. Even my family could be against me if all of them discovered the truth. Again, it’s the rebel attitude that made an impact in my teenage years. My family was against me for showing my identity? Buzz off then; I will commit to the group of absolutely disgraceful people who aren’t my friends but I want to feel like having friends.Do I think it’s society’s and family’s fault that a guy like me joined a group of bad people to stay relatively safe? I’m not so sure, but these are factors that played a huge role in my teenage years.
Everybody was included in the fight for freedom. Until now.
I Used the Guilt I Felt to Volunteer and Make Positive Change
I stayed with the group until the ninth grade. I don’t know how many times I went back home all bruised up, tired and sometimes drunk. I saw people fighting for fun, having a false sense of territory that doesn’t even belong to them and running from adult responsibility.But the last straw was when I had to see a particular video a group leader sent us. He used to share videos of “highlights” of our members to the group chat. In this video, some of the members of this group were harassing a group of boys and girls chilling in the park. They were dressed in LGBT apparel, like colorful wristbands and rainbow shirts. They were being yelled at, called slurs and even beaten up because of how they dressed.The same fate would happen to me if people knew I’m bisexual.I waited until the end of spring, convinced my mum to enroll me in college and took out all of the documents from my school. I said bye to the environment I was used to and stepped out to new challenges awaiting me.I managed to wipe out all of the social media, buy a new phone number from my saved up money and start life anew.The guilt had never left me, so I started volunteering for those in need. Donating money and blood were the things I did regularly while keeping up with my college curriculum. I did this out of my heart. I wanted to change and become the better person that I was before.
Right Now, Ukrainians Are More United Than Ever
Then, the war happened. I moved with my parents to our grandparents’ home in a rural area out of fear of a cruise missile hitting our flat. I contacted my friend who happened to be a co-founder of a volunteering organization, and she needed people to handle media inquiries, such as writing posts, making announcements and helping people navigate the services that volunteers provided.Our country, our society and the people in it united under the most important tasks: help each other, support the army and make Russians leave our land. We started doing this as soon as the war started knocking on our doors. Two or three months prior to the invasion, I saw Ukrainians establishing training military camps where civilians learned valuable skills like how to shoot, reload and apply first-aid help.In the beginning of February, no one talked about the LGBT community, women’s issues, ecological problems and other social and economic struggles that Ukraine was facing. On the 24th of February, people were caught off guard and organized themselves really quickly. Everybody made a truce and started preparing for the worst. No matter who you were, you were needed. Left wing, right wing, straight or LGBTQ+, man or woman—the whole thing didn’t matter. Everybody was included in the fight for freedom.Until now.
I know the people who will buy guns the moment the law is accepted. I talked with them. I dealt with them. I drank with them. And they’re terrible people.
Despite Our Unity, Homophobia Is Still Prevalent
Don’t get me wrong, Ukrainians are still united more than ever. It’s a nice thing to see.But some far-right groups in Ukraine, managing Telegram groups, are still pushing the agenda that the LGBT community is still a problem in Ukraine. They can’t forget times when Pride parades were a thing to oppose and they would harass the people participating in them and call participants names. They would associate the movement with Russians, theorizing that they were leading these parades to disrupt our society and weaken it.Is it a thing now? It totally is.Ukraine has a great opportunity to join the EU family and make every civilian live like in a European community with all of the values democracy brings us. Same-sex marriages are a great way to start. European countries showed us the value of freedom for every person to speak up and do what they want to, meaning that same-sex marriages apply to these core principles of a free society.Yet the Ukrainian government is planning to issue a law under which people can buy short firearms, like pistols.I feel hesitant. It’s a great law if it’s done properly. I think that every person has a right to defend themselves in the face of danger, let it be a rapist, burglar or a Russian soldier. But I know the people who will buy these guns the moment the law is accepted. I talked with them. I dealt with them. I drank with them. And they’re terrible people. And you can’t let terrible people own a firearm.It comes to the point where I need a gun to defend myself from the same bad people I had dealt with. In fact, most LGBTQ+ members will have to own a firearm to defend themselves as well. I don’t want this to happen.Society chose to let the government consider this law.Within Diia—a government-owned app where you can store your documents—the interior minister, Denys Monastyrsky, introduced an in-app questionnaire to Ukrainian citizens. He wanted Ukrainians to voice their opinions and choose how they want to see the firearm law. 1.7 million Ukrainians voted, and 59 percent chose to have a Second Amendment type for the law. But only for pistols now. After the voting, Monastyrsky claimed that Ukrainians are ready to own firearms for self-defense. But he missed Ukrainians who voted otherwise. In the modern world of democracy, you can’t appeal only to one part of the voters. You also should appeal to the other half of the voters who wanted a different outcome.I’m only hoping that the Ukrainian government is responsible enough to write the law as best as they can to prevent multiple cases of gun violence and murders. But it still means I will have to buy a gun to protect my loved ones from those who were my teammates a long time ago.
